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Why you gotta be so stuuuupid?
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[07 Jul 2009|11:50pm] |
its always weird how there are those long phases where i do not draw. it seems like i only do it when i am sad.
i wonder what might happen if i do it when i am happy?
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[13 Jun 2009|12:29am] |
Life is too precious.
I sound like a lame. But no really, it is. I hate how during long bouts of happiness there are even longer bouts of guilt, violence, torture, suffering, screaming, crying, and clawing our way out of shit without a clue as to what got us there in the first place.
Why are people still shooting people to promote a message of hate? Because GOD told them to? God doesn't tell man to put a gun to another man's skull and blow it into infinite red unrecognizable pieces.
Why would God want a man to kill something he created? Especially this very same God who promotes forgiveness?
If this God does exist, then you killers better hide their guns because God sure as hell ain't forgiving you.
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[23 May 2009|04:49pm] |
ivehad this thing for EIGHT years....
woah.
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[08 May 2009|11:42pm] |
It is incredibly strange to not have the need to post here anymore. It kind of scares me-- it seems like my words have run dry, but I promise that is not the case.
Where have I been? I've been living. I've been absorbing every moment, every person, every sweat, and every passion that has been circulating through my veins. I never thought that I would ever pick up such a strong sense of self to the point where I am perfectly fine with being by myself. The funny thing is that I like being single right now better than having someone to constantly please. Just because I do not have a man does not mean that I have to limit my love. I am incredibly proud of my closest friends and I am living vicariously through their pleasures and happiness. I'm pleased to see my best friends being healthy and in love. It honestly gives me hope that goodness of passion exists. My family has been through a lot and luckily, my cousin seems to be pulling through. My thoughts and prayers are with him and I hope he has the strength to love again. I did not discuss what has happened to him because that is not my story to tell, I just wish him immense blessings and happiness for the future which I guess is all I can do as a completely powerless person of this world.
I think of the way I blamed people for their mistakes in the past. I think of how I dwelled upon how much they've hurt me and how they were terrible friends for doing what they did to me. To think objectively, I completely forgot to mention how much I've loved every friend I've ever had regardless of how they treated me. Sometimes, things just do not work the way I want them to, and I assume that is ok. After all, I'm not controlling the planet, am I?
I think of him. How good of a person he is. How much shit he's been through. I'm glad he's found her. =)
I feel like drinking some jasmine tea and watching How I Met Your Mother. Hey Marti! Sidereel sucks and only has a few episodes up. Boo!
Thanks to anyone who is still reading this, I enjoy you very much.
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[11 Apr 2009|05:54pm] |
if i were that girl that would be the moment i would remember before i died.
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[22 Mar 2009|12:25am] |
 Rocky Votolato makes me cry |
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| Who & What Inspires me |
[20 Mar 2009|05:01pm] |
Just a few things that have been getting my mind working:
1. LOLITA
2. PANTONE COLORS
3. FUNNY WOMEN
 
3. MARKERS
4. LITERATURE
  
5. LOST
6. Brigitte Bardot
  
 
7.Old TV Shows
   
8. (Newer) Old TV Shows
  
 
9. Salvador Dali
 
10.Botticelli's Birth of Venus
11. Pomegranate Rose Tea
12. Andrew Bird
13. Hot jesus sandals
14. Steve Martin
15. Judd Apatow
16. Lorne Michaels
17. Greg Daniels
18. JJ Abrams
19. Geodesic Hippie Domes
 
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[18 Mar 2009|12:28am] |
Runaway
i have the rytthm of passion flowing out of my pores,
my body wants the silky lining of your lips
and my eyes want to see you tired and asleep in my arms--
because i think i love you.
I love the way you look so peaceful when you go to sleep like a little baby.
lately it seems like i have climbed rickety ladders
Just to feel that kiss.
I get so terrified each time I take a step on broken wooden rails.
If I fall, I have to get back up again. Every moment, I'm farther than before.
I try, I know I don't deserve to feel alive. I know it is someone elses turn to have you
and to love you, and to love how peaceful you look when you fall asleep. But I try.
I try knowing that it is all I can do.
I gather my memories, tie them up in a worn out bandana and join it with a stick.
I carry these things with me. They are all I have.
Some survive on their addictions until they die.
They crawl into secluded corners and shove needles into their boundless souls.
If only it were easy for me to take a drug and forget.
I would forget the pain of climbing--My limbs get sore from the thankless task.
I must be humble for someone like you--
Someone whose silky lined lips taste like feeling immortal.
Someone whose soul makes me explode.
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| Wallpaper. |
[14 Mar 2009|07:30pm] |
Yeah its been a while. It surprises me that its been so many days and I havent had the need to blurt.
heres some blurting in a minor dosage:
As she sat enjoying her broccoli cheddar soup, I examined the walls of the restaurant. The wall paper was ornately decorated and made me feel like I was at home. It was as if I trusted the walls in keeping me safe. I trusted the walls and believed they wouldn't cave in on me--that they wouldn't bore me with white vacuous paint. Infinite blankness. She kept telling me her life story and I sat there nodding.
But I wasn't really listening. I was worried if she had forgotten about me-- if she had forgotten that I was sitting across from her absorbing all of her useless and lifeless decisions. Her accumulation of bullshit are nebulous clouds about to burst with tears. Rain that everyone hates and stays inside for.
If we only use 2% of our brains, I'm already at full quota trying to listen and compute the bullshit that was flowing out of her: a cacophony of consonants, vowels, numbers, letters, phrases, sentences, periods, exclamations, complaints, italics, bolds, frightenings, dirt, disgust, egotism, depression, selfishness, and like...the word like. These compounds make me regret that we have a language at all, that the words famous authors and poets used to love have been abused by social networking, text messaging, and idiots like the girl sitting in front of me.
She is a constant reminder that i am unheard.
I am just wallpaper designed to make her feel comfortable. I'm there, but I'm not really there at all.
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[23 Feb 2009|01:59pm] |
Self-destructive things that connie would do if she was brave...
1. drink all the time
2. do a line off of someones foot
3.self mutilate
4.jump off of bridge
5.drive car into tree
6.Scream at people I hate
7. puke my brains out for no reason
Instead she will...
1. scream into a pillow
2. slam cupboards/doors shut
3. gloat
4. make someone feel sorry for her
5. write all the time
6. make herself look like an idiot in front of everyone
7. minimize her social circles
8. lose all of the mentors shes had in her life
9. bore people to death
10. call idiots meanies.
11. cry
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[23 Feb 2009|01:30am] |
Connie O.
is not a beautiful person.
she has faults.
she rips her hair out all the time. You can tell by looking at her bed.
Connie O.
is alone.
tries to be humble.
sleeps with a nightlight.
pretends she doesnt want to be held when in reality its the only thing she wants.
Connie O.
cries at night.
loves and trusts.
Loses. Loses people. Loses her mind.
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[22 Feb 2009|02:35pm] |
Love the people you have in your lives. Love them and keep them close to you. Take advantage of time since it is a precious thing.
We only have so much.
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| In Response to American Culture... |
[14 Feb 2009|02:11pm] |
NOTE: This is an assignment for class that I had to write on a discussion board. The question asked of me was What is American culture and how do i fit in or not fit in with the culture. Nobody responded to my badass post so I am going to post it here. I feel that this is a much smarter and better audience. Why? Because if I see another entry that mentions that "America is a huge melting pot" I might have to shoot myself in the head. I get that it is a melting pot, but wtf for once just mention something about America that doesn't sound bland and cheesy. "America is a huge melting pot and like, all the races come together in unity" this is not hands across america! This is your ORIGINAL opinion of the country we live in!
American culture is kind of a broad term.
If it could be defined, I guess it is a myriad of many things. American culture can be anything from a greasy burger sitting right in front of you, what Oprah Winfrey loves to read, or how much Oprah Winfrey weighs on a scale. American Culture can be both a positive thing and a negative thing. Positive: we finally got over ourselves and elected a Black President. Yay! USA=1 Other countries who DON’T have a black president =0! Negative: we’re hella fat and do not really know how to lose all the weight our round buxom bodies have developed. We’re stuck in our chairs and the only thing that can get Aunt Lulu off of the hammock is an oar and some Vaseline! However, that is beside the point. American Culture can also be a negative thing because not only do we have lying politicians (Rod "DOUCHE" Blagojevich comes to mind), but also our youth is not saving the world from turning into complete and utter shit. No offense, but shit seems to be the right word usage there. They’re sitting on their precious posteriors and consuming so much GARBAGE that it scares me! Seriously, I think it’s the weirdest thing that little girls want every little novelty item that has Miley Cyrus’ name attached to it. I don’t know about any of you, but when I have a child the last thing I want her to become is a droid who uses Hannah Montana tampons. Still, I’m trying to be optimistic. We’re changing our ways. Obviously. More and more things are becoming energy efficient and we have a president who is aware of the human rights issues going on in the world. He closed down Guantanamo and I say it is about “effin” time! Now, I’m not some crazy hippie who hates politicians, but I am definitely an angry person when I hear about how our own country TORTURED people, sometimes innocent people! Wait…I was trying to be optimistic! Yes, I am glad to be alive and see history happen. I’m glad that strong women like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are winning awards and being commended for their hard work. I am proud to be living in a country that lets me exercise my freedoms! I am glad that I have a CHOICE, and I am glad that that my CHOICE can be VOICED. Heh…that rhymes…kind of. For more on the Universal Declaration of human rights, take a moment to view a very informative and well designed you tube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTlrSYbCbHE. I’m also reading “Fast Food Nation” and it says a lot about our culture as a consumer society and the old white businessmen who get us to indulge in their filthy enterprises.
How do I fit or not fit in American Culture? Well, if what I stated before hasn’t given you a good example of how I fit, let me try to elaborate a little bit more. I’ll admit that I am a waster and a consumer like everyone else. However, I like to try to catch myself in the process and do the right thing in the end. Recycling every little thing pisses me off sometimes…really…a bottle cap…REALLY?! I do not fit in any particular American youth subculture and I generally do not want to categorize myself. I like dipping into various groups of people with different agendas. A few the kind comrades at our school deem themselves as “original” and “innovative.” They claim that they are as deep and mysterious as the plaid patterns on their smocks. I however, just believe that they are high…and need to shave their beards. Arguably, this is not everyone. I have witnessed many people with talents at this school that have made me epically jealous of them. In retrospect, I am nothing but a tiny fleck in this giant city and barely as noticeable as a breath in this country, but in many ways I am proud to be living in this culture. I mean come on Canada? The only good that has ever come out of Canada is Howie Mandel’s luscious baldness, and like…some elk…I guess.
 "Don't Touch Me!" |
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| Jon McLaughlin |
[13 Feb 2009|04:13pm] |
 I'm going to see this beautiful beautiful man. House of Blueees. Be jealous! |
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[11 Feb 2009|10:41pm] |
Its so easy to miss people. But when you see them again, it isn't hard to remember why you left them in the first place.
that one feeling! That feeling that immediately comes over you! It is that weird feeling you get when you look at someones picture-- their faces are always shadowed by their youth and innocence. You only remember the narrow fissures of time. You only remember what it was like when everyone was safe, before they got swallowed by the very same bottle they drink from.
I always thought that I would have sex before one of my best friends did. She was always so uninterested in boys. This does not disappoint me, it just baffles me to no end. A girl, a girl who doesn't really care to earn the interests of men is suddenly interested. A girl who never wanted to smoke the pot to begin with put a mushroom in her lip, "lived" to tell about it, and claims it was one of the coolest things she's ever experienced. This may be the case, but it still doesn't negate the fact that shes boring when shes not herself.
I cannot completely hate her for this, I can shake my head and say: "WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE GIRL WHO POOPED HERSELF IN FIFTH GRADE ON ACCIDENT?!" I want her back.
Growing up is inevitable. Conceivably, she is probably more self-discovered than myself. I mean I know who I am and how I look at the world around me, but Columbia College is not going to teach me those things no matter how hard they make me try to make a shit drawing of what I see myself as. What I see myself as is hardly me. Others created collages with their art with phrases like "Paris" and "Africa" (they haven't been to those places). Some quote Kierkegaard without knowing how to pronounce his name. For future reference, pulling a quote online does not explain your life's significance. It is just what you want your life to signify. What we see ourselves as isn't ultimately who we are.
I see myself as nice and inviting, but here people think im a bitch at first glance. I reckon they are not kidding.
Reckon, blech, I hate that word...ahnnyway...
This all sort of spurned when I saw this ancient picture of a guy friend. His eyes looked up at me and I immediately wanted to speak up at the inanimate photograph. "Hey kid. You have no idea who you'll become, I'm so terribly sorry."
Summers always come to mind when I think of my past friendships. I remember dares, making friendship bracelets, reading in corners, and being reminded that my options will forever be open. I could be whatever I wanted to be! This is my biggest problem now because I still believe that. I still can't seem to tell myself that people lose their magic the older they get.
I'm optimistic. I have to be.
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[05 Feb 2009|12:38pm] |
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Wow. I'm a bitch to live with.
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[03 Feb 2009|11:30am] |
I am thoroughly convinced that ally sheedy's character from the breakfast club is my roommate.
Strange, and a pathological liar.
Oh what news.
In other facets of my life, i find myself seemingly optimistic which scares me shitless because how on earth will I find something to write about!!!!
Oh yeah, and there's this odd fascination i have with ugly looking shoes, but I take it you already knew that.
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[01 Feb 2009|07:11pm] |
 Yep...he's still the boss. |
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[01 Feb 2009|06:48pm] |
it hurts me that I can no longer find these.
They were from payless....they were only $48...laaaaame. Tear.
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dolcemiseria's journal
